thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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