How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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