I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
