You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
