So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
