All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you win again, gameday.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
