i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
