I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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