so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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