my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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