oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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