i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Your topless pictures make me question reality
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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