Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
