Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This is my gift to your gina
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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