Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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