I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
