Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
