I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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