My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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