what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
