I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
