guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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