This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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