She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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