Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
