Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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