Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
