Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
