I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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