Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
