my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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