I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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