my mouth tastes like poor choices
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
