would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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