Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I pour the whiskey from now on
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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