this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
