she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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