I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
