i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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