I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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