R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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