Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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