So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
