I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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