Cold hands, warm shart.
even my farts smell like vagina
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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