Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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