i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
