You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
