um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
