the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
