Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
