Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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