Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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