4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just threw up on my dentist
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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