if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She said her name was "party"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
