did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
