by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
